During one of the random conversations that our blogging group has, we started throwing around the idea of writing a fandex. In other words a fan made codex. A few ideas bubbled up throughout the talk until we hit on it. American Marines!
The obvious choice for Primarch would be none other than Chuck Norris. Seriously, there is nothing more American than Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris riding an eagle (50pt upgrade). Were else should our marines derive there holy gene seed?
The next position to fill, Chapter Master. Now, we need someone who was both equally buff and a good showman, you got to take those xenos out with style after all. The obvious choice was Hulk Hogan. Need I say more?
Now, in terms of our supporting roles within the chapter, our selections were not so easy. Looking to fill the positions of Chief Librarian, Master of the Forge and Chief Chaplain, we scoured far and wide to find the right choices. We have elected that Morgan Freeman shall be our soothing voice of reason in the role of Chief Librarian. Our master of the forge was decided to be Richard Dean Anderson, since he can always fix anything with a roll of duct tape and a paper clip. Samuel L. Jackson will be there to bring the fiery word of the Emperor as our Chief Chaplain (who will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy his brothers).
In keeping with the Chapter Tactics set down by the current space marine codex, we have developed our own set. They are titles Chapter Tactics: Fuck Yeah!. The special rule requires all terminators to dress as Captain America and take nothing but Storm Shields and power fists.
The second special rule is Sponsorship. Since the cost of running a space marine chapter is exceedingly high due to the cost of ceramite, our chapter had to seek outside sponsorship. They are 5 points per sponsorship, with no limit. All sponsorships must be represented on the model. Think nascar here folks. Here are a few examples:
- Trojan Sponsored Rhinos: Increases the armor value, but our marines can only get out when it breaks
- Walmart Sponsored Vehicles: All vehicle upgrades are buy one get one free, but that crap breaks, so it’s one use only.
- Budweiser Sponsored Marines: Gain Feel No Pain and Rage, always move as though moving through difficult terrain and only fires snap shots.
- McDonalds Sponsored Marines: Gain Slow and Purposeful, and high cholesterol.
Obviously we are just having fun and trying to get a laugh here. How would you guys make American Marines?