The first article was well received, you can read it here. It’s time for round two. As always, I am just doing this for fun, do not take offense. If you can’t handle laughing at yourself, you probably don’t want to read this.
The Neck Beard: This gamer can be identified by his ridiculous amount of facial hair below the jaw line. He doesn’t even shave. His hair just magically stops growing on his face, preferring the shady regions on his neck. It looks itchy and it may or may not be hiding bits of food or models. He tends to stroke this beard, for he has nothing but love for his neck pelt. Good for him, because no one else loves it. Seriously dude, you’re the reason female gamers run screaming from our store.
The Virgin: This gamer is defined by his discomfort caused by the female gender. He has had so little interaction with the opposite sex that he often freezes when one wanders in. Then his behavior will take one of two routes. He will either A) become so uncomfortable in their presence that he shuts up and hides in a corner until she leaves, or B) Attempts to overcome his crippling shyness and talk to her. Either way its about to get really awkward in here.
The Spammer: This guy only knows one way to play. If one is good, 10 is better. He sees no point in writing a balanced list, just cram as many of the same great unit or model into a list then let it rip. Double force organization charts made this guy cream his jeans a little. Units like the riptide, helldrake, and wraithknight made him weak in the knees. He is the guy that is going to loose his mind with the new unbound army lists. No, I do not want to fight your 8 wraithknight list. I don’t care if it’s legal now.
The Space Wolf: Every space wolf player has the same dream. To become a space viking and ride off into the Eye of Terror with good ol’ Leman Russ. They will protect their beloved army from any form of insult. They often will band together into packs when they get together, cheering each other on for more blood shed. Take a close look at that group next time, they seem to have a lot more beards then the rest of the community. It’s because their models have beards.
The Dedicated Father: These guys unfortunately had to put their hobby to the side to perpetuate their gene seed. Not a decision that most of them regret, but their gaming is now a far different experience. Instead of hobbying or gaming in small doses frequently, they cram it all into a single day or weekend that the wife has given them off. This is demonstrated by their months of absence at the store followed by their sudden and vigorous return. Every minute matters to this guy. He needs to cram in as much gaming before that phone rings and he must return to tend to his brood. A moment of silence for our fallen brothers.
The Chameleon Gamer: His army is strategically designed to allow him to play as may codex’s as possible. It’s paint scheme is usually neutral, allowing it to say it is a successor of any space marine chapter. Most clever ones can make a claim to there army using the space wolves, space marines, blood angels, grey knights, dark angels, all the new codex supplements, and if they are really lucky, chaos space marines. You never know what codex to expect, but it is usually going to be the strongest one against your army. So, what’s it going to be today? Feels like a Grey Knights kinda day.
The Anti-Painter: This guy is defined by the large numbers of grey plastic he fields. He never paints anything himself. He will buy painted models if possible. Extreme forms of these gamers will pay to have their army painted for them. Honestly though, they could care less about the painting, they just want to play games.
The Cheap Ass Gamer – This one is pretty self explanatory. He is cheap. He never buys a unit at full retail price. Almost everything he has is second hand or old as hell. Why buy new models, these 2nd edition orks look just fine to me. It physically pains him when a new codex or main rulebook comes out. He can either wait to try to get it on sale or second hand or suck it up and buy the new book to keep up. He will often try to borrow books and make photo copies of them or try to pirate a PDF. He also haggles like a son of a bitch. No, I don’t think 5 dollars for my landraider is a fair offer. Nope, 6 isn’t enough either.
The Table Flipper: Rage is this guy’s response to everything. Rage at his models, rage at his dice, rage at your models, rage at your dice. Rage at the neck beard that walked by an pointed out why he was going to lose. Throwing models or dice commonly occurs with him. A horrible turn can be accompanied by the legendary table flip and walk away. Best not to play this guy that often. Or with models you are attached to.
The Nay Smith: This guy always thinks he is going to lose. No matter the match up. Everything terrifies him. Regardless of how the game is going, he will constantly tell you that he thinks he’s going to lose it. It’s even more frustrating when he doesn’t. Regardless of how you try to point out the happenings of the game, he still thinks you’re beating him. Yeah, I highly doubt that my unit of grots is going to march over and take the relic from your unit of terminators. Pretty sure you got this one in the bag bro.
That’s it for today. Have a good one, and try to laugh.